A detour from the (up to this point) chronological flow of events

If I might interject here...yes...right here..
in the middle of act one's cliffhanger.


Sorry for taking all of this time off, and for ruining the smooth transition from one post to another.

(yeah right. not really)


Since I know there has to be someone out there who's chomping at the bit to hear all about the pre and post surgery fun.

(I hear crickets)

I figured I'd pop back in to share a little taste of some of my adventures in cancer land.
So.
In keeping with tradition...
the common overuse (of parentheses),
incorrect placement of periods and commas...
the lack of proper sentence structure,
and my strange addiction to...yes...and improper usage of...ellipses...
here ya go.

(you're welcome)

I Love Big Foobs and I Cannot Lie...

March 1, 2010 (part two...or...two soon-to-be-amazing "parts" ;)

I cannot tell a lie...I love big "foobies" (fake boobies).
I have always been a huge admirer of them...and working for Hooters, I saw (and poked at) more than my fair share. There were hard ones, squishy ones and super perky ones...far apart ones, close together ones and dangly ones. There were foobs the size of softballs, cantaloupes, soccer balls, watermelons and giant blow up beach balls. And then there were those masterpieces of faux excellence...the lovely, realistic, silicone, under-the-muscle, teardrop style breast perfections that had become my most favorite of the implant varieties.

Introvert Problem #84

March 1, 2010 (part one…)


There's nothing quite like a cancer diagnosis to suddenly ram you into a brick wall lead role of what's sure to be a below-the-D-list tear jerker.

Unlike when I was an aspiring model, these days I haven't any desire to be the center of attention.
I'm really happy...and comfortable... being behind the scenes.
I make a pretty decent sidekick (especially under the influence of vodka)
but as the Star of this sad and sappy train wreck???

Fuck.

This.

February 28, 2010

It was obvious that I had become obsessed with my new book collection. Over the course of a day and 1/2, I think I got up to go to the bathroom twice, ate next to nothing (which is unheard of) and...as the bags under my eyes professed...got much less than half a wink of shut eye. As far as my self imposed research was concerned, I probably bit off a lot more than I should have chewed that weekend.

To "send" or not to "send". That is the question...

I sat motionless, staring blurry-eyed through the computer screen as if it were a psychedelic Magic Eye painting...but the only image I was seeing was the one of my life rushing by.
My back ached from the usual hunched-over-the-keyboard-posture.
The weight of my head was supported by a wobbling left arm...my hand squishing my left cheek up in to my eyeball.
Right hand on the mouse, the index finger hovered...I was one quick click away from spewing the announcement of my disease out into the universe.