The blood work from my annual checkup was good...and would it not make sense that if you have cancer, your blood work would come back riddled with all sorts of "not so good"? That in and of itself assured me how silly I was that I had begun to let my anxieties get the best of me again.
"I am in control here!"
I mean it hasn't gotten any bigger...not as far as I can tell. The swelling has gone down and it's no longer jokeying for the primo mirror space in the mornings. It just doesn't seem that menacing, really. It feels smooth and a bit spongy...not hard, jagged and irregular like I've read how cancer's supposed to feel.
She'll notice if it's anything to worry about.
As I'm filling out the annual patient questionnaire, I reach the portion that says to list any new concerns.
"shut up...okay, I'll write it down", I told the little voice.
NEW LUMP. LEFT BREAST.
Time always crawls when I'm sitting in her office, and the old, faded waiting room chairs offer little comfort for this annual endurance test of my patience.
Once I was led down the hall to an exam room, I was told to undress.
Left to sit some more...this time, barely covered on a crunchy, paper draped table, I grinned at the doctor's efforts to make the stirrups appear friendlier by covering them in cute little fuzzy socks.
It would be fantastic HOWEVER, if she could point the slats on the a/c vent upward.
Come on now!
My nipples were seconds away from freezing off and bouncing across the floor.
Finally the doctor comes in and the exam begins.
"Well, the good news is this new lump doesn't feel like cancer, so I'm not too concerned", she says...then adds," But in the case of any new lump, I would like you to schedule a mammogram and a follow up ultrasound just to be sure."
See...ya worry wart!!!
It's not cancer!!!
THAT was all I needed to hear.
It was all "puppy dogs and rainbows" from then on.
I exited her office toward the waiting room, making a mental note to never make an appointment here during the lunch hours again...this building reeks of steamed broccoli and Lean Cuisines.
(Gross)
